Enter the Dragon/Script
guys ride down an escalator. Wyatt: "I am so stoked." Jude: "I know! I've been waiting over a year for this day to come!" dismount. "This day is today, right?" Wyatt: "Last time I checked!" Jonesy: "Opening day! Yes!" Wyatt: "And you're sure we have tickets?" Jonesy: "Yep. The girls had to wait in line for six hours, but they got them." Jude: "Right day? Check. Tickets? Check." hi-fives Wyatt. Jonesy: "Oh it's on, baby! Dragon Thunder, here we come! And how great is that trailer?" Jonesy, Wyatt, and Jude: the trailer "In a world where right is wrong and might is king, five rebel warriors hold the key–schming!–to salvation." Jude: falsetto "But you can't kill them all. It's impossible." Jonesy: "Just try and stop me." Jude: falsetto "Who are you?" Jonesy, Jude, and Wyatt: "Dragon Thunder!" Jonesy: in the air "Hee-yah!" through the move, Jonesy loses his balance in midair and flops to the ground. Jonesy: "Whoa!" friends laugh. ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Enter the Dragon' ---- ''girls are seated around the table. Jen looks pained. Jen: groaning "Ever wonder what it would be like to be hit in the stomach by a bowling ball?" Caitlin: "No, why?" Jen: "Because I think it would feel a lot like this." guys arrive. Nikki: cheerful "Hey guys." Jude: "Chick friends, what's up?" Jonesy: Caitlin "Yo, thanks for copying me on that mushy spill-your-guts love email to that Alex dude last night." Caitlin: gasping "What are you talking about?" Jonesy: "The email you sent to him last night asking him to the dance. What did you say? He has eyes like swimming pools." laughs. Caitlin: confused "But how did you know that?" Jen: "Actually, I saw it too, Caitlin." Nikki: "Ditto." Caitlin: to Jude "Did you see it?" Jude: "I memorized it." Wyatt: "I thought it was sweet. In a mushy kind of way." Caitlin: "Y-you saw it too?" Jonesy: "Yeah, don't you just hate it when you send an email to 'All Students' instead of to 'Alex'?" Caitlin: in hands "Oh this is so embarrassing." Jonesy: "What'd she say? If he took her to the dance–" Jude: "She'd be the happiest girl in the school." Caitlin: "Like you guys are so good at this. When was the last time either of you had a girlfriend?" Jude: "Uh..." Jonesy: "Mmm...ugh." Caitlin: "I thought so." Jude: "Whoa, Caitlin, I'm not used to seeing this side of you." Caitlin: "Yeah, well...that's what utter humiliation can do to a person." Nikki: "C'mon, kids, let's not fight." Wyatt: voice "Yeah. Not when we're nine hours and twenty-three minutes away from the life-changing event that is Dragon Thunder!" Nikki: sarcastic "Just look at us, best friends banding together to share our love of mindless action and violence? It's so pure." Jonesy and Wyatt "Group hug?" Caitlin: angry "I'm on duty. I can't do anything fun." Wyatt: chuckling "Good one." Caitlin: "Hey, that's something I wanted to bring up. How come none of you respect my work ethic?" Wyatt: laughing "Your work ethic? Okay, stop. You're killing me." Caitlin: "Is that what you want? Because I can arrange that." grabs Wyatt by his hair. Wyatt: "Wha–AAAH!" drops him. Jen: "Guys, my stomach is killing. I don't think I can handle a movie tonight." Nikki: upset "No. You don't really mean that, do you?" Caitlin: "She just said she did. Sheesh. Nobody listens around here." closes the stand. Jen: up "Ugh. Excuse me, I think I have to go somewhere and die." Nikki: up "But this was supposed to be all six of us. Together. You know, this always happens to me. Why doesn't anything ever work out anymore?" leaves, depressed. Jude: a beat "Okay, that was really weird." ---- guys are hanging out by the fountain. Jude: "I don't get girls." Wyatt: "One of them being moody is pretty much the norm. But all three?" Jonesy: "I smell some serious issues." Jude: "I think this is one of those TV shows where they play a joke on you. I betcha they're all in on it!" Jonesy: paranoid "He's right, dude! They're all sisters! They stick together!" Wyatt: sighing "Do you see any cameras here?" Jonesy: "Dude–" whispering "–they can hide them anywhere." looks at a potted plant. Wyatt: "Okay. There is no camera in the plant. We probably just arrived at the end of an argument and it'll all be cool." ---- the Khaki Barn, a customer is looking at some pants. Nikki comes up to help. Nikki: "Ah, the 21-pocket cargo cords. Imported from Indonesia." teary "I-I remember the first time I sold a pair of these. Let me find your size." passing him some pants "Of course, you know, they um–they still allow child labor in some parts of Indonesia. This very pair could have been made by tiny, five-year-old Indonesian girl hands." sad "Oh, but uh, you enjoy them." Penalty Box Customer: "Aah–oh." scurries out, dropping the pants on the way. Nikki: "Wait. What? Was it something I said?" broken "Come back." ---- is angrily mashing lemons and throwing the remains at Jason and Joanie. An old lady walks up. Old Lady: "Oh, my. Be careful, dear." Caitlin: "You wanna tell me how to do my job? Go ahead." in her face "I dare you." old lady screams and runs off. ---- guys are by the fountain. Wyatt: "We should talk to them and make sure they're still cool for the movie tonight." Jonesy: "They'd better be. They got the tickets. With or without them, we're seeing Dragon Thunder tonight." Wyatt: "Agreed. I'll talk to Nikki, Jonesy, you take Jen, and Jude can talk to Caitlin." Jude: "Hey, how come I have to take the scary one?" Wyatt: "Uh, you both work in the food court?" Jonesy: "Can't argue with that logic. I gotta book. I'm starting at Super Terrific Happy Sushi today." Wyatt: out "Ugh. After Caitlin's sushi puke-a-thon, how can you do it?" Jonesy: "This is what happens when you've already been fired from all the cool stores in the mall." a clothespin on his nose "I'm going in." ---- is sharpening his katana. Jonesy walks in. Jonesy: "Hey." Hiro: up a fish "Hai!" Jonesy: "Ugh, sick!" Hiro: "You!" to the clothespin "Remove! Now!" obediently removes the pin. When he sniffs the air, bile rises in his throat, and he covers his mouth. Hiro: "You are afraid of the fish." Jonesy: "No, I'm afraid of the barf." Hiro: "Then you must learn the way of the sushi!" Jonesy: "Okay, now I'm getting pranked." Hiro: "It is an ancient Japanese art, built upon the samurai code. You are my pupil. I...am your...sensai!" Jonesy: "Hey, as long as I don't have to eat the stuff, I'm game." Hiro: "First, you must join our daily practice of–hi-yah!–karashi." Jonesy: "Uh, do you mean karate?" Hiro: "No. Karashi! It's where karate and sushi join force to conquer ordinary North American buffet menu. Huni!" assistant rushes up. Huni: "Hai!" Jonesy: "Listen, if this is some kind of cult thing–" Hiro: "KARASHI!" Huni: "Hai!" puts his hands together in imitation of Hiro and Huni. Hiro: "First move: spawning salmon!" Huni: "Hai!" and Huni make their way to an open space of floor and perform the move. Jonesy imitates it weakly. Hiro: "Crouching shrimp!" Huni: "Hai!" bends over to do the move and lets out a gigantic fart. Jonesy: "Probably should have stretched first." Hiro: "Prancing tuna!" Huni: "Hai!" tries to do the move and pulls a muscle in his thigh. He screams and hops around, pained. Huni: "Next time, I'' do hiring!" ---- ''the Khaki Barn, Nikki is actually doing work. Nikki: a sale "Come back soon. Have a Khaki Day!" Chrissy: Kristen and Kirsten "Um...so like, have you guys noticed the way Nikki's acting today?" Kirsten: "Oh, she's so up to something." Nikki: over to them "Aw, I'm gonna miss that guy. He really understood cargos, you know?" Chrissy: "Uh, yeah, sure Nikki." Nikki: her pink sweater "That sweater is so adorable on you!" Chrissy: "Alright, that's it! What kind of sick, twisted game are you playing?" Nikki: "I don't know, I just–I woke up this morning, I thought, wouldn't it be nice if we were all friends? Maybe, even, I dunno, had a sleepover?" Kirsten: "Aw, that sounds fun!" blinks. "Wait a minute. Stop messing with our minds!" clones walk off, totally confused by her behavior. Wyatt enters the store. Wyatt: "What's up?" Nikki: "Wyatt! Oh, it's so good to see you." runs over and hugs him. Wyatt: her off gently "So, uh, looking forward to seeing Dragon Thunder tonight?" Nikki: "Sure, but first, chocolate!" out a bar and caressing it "Mmm. If I could marry this chocolate bar, I would. Oh well." scared, backs out of the Khaki Barn. "Oh well." into it "Wanna bite? Wyatt?" looks around for him but can't see him anywhere. Sorrowful "Why does everyone keep leaving me?" ---- is training Jonesy. Hiro: "For the next hour, you must use only the chopsticks, and not your hands, to accomplish all tasks." Jonesy: "No problem, sensai." ---- is cutting up a cucumber. Jonesy taps him with the chopsticks. Huni: "Yes?" Jonesy: "Just making sure these things work." resumes cutting. After a few seconds, Jonesy taps him again. Huni: stopping "What?" Jonesy: "Didn't mean to bother you before." grimaces angrily. ---- is hard at work when he hears belling. Jonesy is tapping out a drum solo on some pots and pans. Jonesy: "Big finish!" finishes up the solo. "And the crowd goes wild!" tears off his shirt and whirls it in the air. "I rule! AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" shirt lands on Hiro's face. Hiro: grumpy "Humph." ---- is still working when Jonesy suddenly pops up, chopsticks in his mouth like tusks. Huni screams and drops the cleaver he's using. Jonesy: "Who ordered a walrus?" ---- Jonesy: his butt with the chopsticks "Oh yeah. Just a little lower–aah. That's the spot." Hiro: the sticks "Enough!" Jonesy: "Hiro, my sensai-man! Has it been an hour already?" growls and snaps the chopsticks. Jonesy grins scaredly. ---- is still pureeing lemons. Caitlin: "And this is for stupid email mailbox screwups!" finishes and hurls it at Jason and Joanie. Jude arrives. "And this is for pimples!" grinds another. Jude: "Hey Caitlin." Caitlin: "Can't you see I'm busy!" hurls another lemon half. Jude ducks. It hits someone behind him. Penalty Box Customer: "Ow." Jude: "Uh, yeah. So are you psyched to see Dragon Thunder tonight or what?" Caitlin: scary "I don't have time to think about that, Jude. I'm like seriously behind on my lemon squeezing. And now I am running out of lemons and you don't even care! Uurgh!" ---- Hiro: "Before you can cut the fish, you must become the fish." Jonesy: on several bags of rice "Dude. You're kinda asking a lot for a minimum-wage job." stares at him. "Okay. But don't get your hopes up–" Hiro: "Close your eyes! Be the fish!" gulps and does as commanded. Jonesy: himself "Well this is dumb. Okay. Think fish. Fish and chips, extra ketchup." opens an eye slightly and sees Hiro angrily staring at him. He quickly shuts it. "Okay. C'mon, focus. Be the fish, Jonesy. Be the fish." begins leaning forward, but starts to achieve it. "I did it! I'm the fish!" falls off the pile. "Oof!" Hiro: hopeful "Progress at last?" Jonesy: "Maybe fish aren't so gross after all! I kind of feel sorry for them!" Hiro: "Ah, so it is, so it must be." out a broom "Now, clean up that rice!" Jonesy: "Hmm...can I take a break first? See, there's this movie tonight–" Hiro: the broom "Haaaaaiiii–HAI!" accidentally slams the broom into a case of china. Hiro: upset "You clean other mess now too!" leaves angrily, leaving Jonesy to do the work. Jonesy: "Aw, man." ---- is sitting in the penalty box of the Penalty Box with Nikki, a hot water bottle clutched to her stomach. Coach Halder: "Masterson! What are you doing in the box?" Jen: "Gave myself a penalty, coach." Coach Halder: "What for?" Jen: up the bottle "Borrowing the merchandise." Coach Halder: "What are you doing with that hot water bottle?" Jen: "It's for cramps." Halder stares straight ahead, not sure how to respond to this and somewhat afraid to try. Jen: "Uh, female cramps?" Halder stares. Coach Halder: "Uh well uh, right, well, uh, keep it up, very nice, good good. I'm off to go over there." Jen: "Yes sir." phone rings. She picks up. "Ooooh, this better be good." Jonesy: "Hey Jen, just wanted to make sure you're still into seeing Dragon Thunder." Jen: "Jonesy, I can't talk right now!" Jonesy: "But you always take calls at work!" hangs up. "What?" walks up to Jen and Nikki. Caitlin: "Okay! One of you needs to give me a tampon right now!" Jen: "I don't have to do anything right now. I'm on a penalty." Caitlin: "Fine! But don't come running to me the next time Aunt Flo comes to town!" Jen: "No one says Aunt Flo anymore." Caitlin: "Maybe I do, Miss Know-It-All!" Jen: "Who are you calling a know-it-all?" Nikki: emotional "Guys, stop fighting!" Jen: "She started it." Nikki: "I don't care! There are much worse things going on here, like–I can't stop eating chocolate!" Caitlin: "But you hate chocolate." Nikki: "I know!" takes another bite. Jen: "Wait!" Nikki "You're eating chocolate–" Caitlin "–and you're grumpy! Is it your time of the month?" and Caitlin both nod. Jen: "Mine too! Do you realize what this means? Our cycles have synced up." Caitlin: happy "No way! That's the first sign of close friendship! We should celebrate!" realizing "Oh...so that's why you guys were acting so weird." Jen: "Us? You make pimples look friendly!" Caitlin: "I'm sorry. It must be my PMS. I do get a little irritable." Jen: "At least we know what's been bugging us." time on Jen's penalty runs out, and the buzzer goes. Caitlin: "Ooh, let's go shopping." Nikki: "Think we can all keep the mood swings under control?" Caitlin: "What mood swings?" walks by. Suddenly angry "What are you looking at? Come back here! I wanna talk to you!" chases after the crying boy. Nikki looks at Jen and whistles, amazed. ---- guys are by the Gigantoplex. Wyatt: "Well it's official. Nikki's gone mental. What about Caitlin?" Jude: "Please, don't make me go back there." Jonesy: "Guys, I did not wait a year to see Dragon Thunder, JUST TO HAVE THE GIRLS FREAK OUT ON OPENING DAY!" Wyatt: "Let's just stay calm and think this through." Jonesy: "But they've got the tickets!" Jude: "They're always one step ahead of us. Women." Wyatt: "Wait. Why don't we just buy new tickets?" genius stupidity of the idea hits them, and they grin. Jonesy: "It's so simple, it just might work." ---- [Darth is standing next to a poster for ''Dragon Thunder as the guys approach the ticket booth.]'' Jonesy: "Yo Darth, the Death Star is thataway." and Jude chuckle. Wyatt: "There's no one in the box office." Jonesy: "What?" Jude: "Maybe we could wait in line with the Jedi dude." Darth: "Actually, this line is for ticketholders only. Besides, Dragon Thunder is already sold out." Jude, Jonesy, and Wyatt: "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Darth: "Aw, that's a shame." Jude: "So let me get this straight. The movie's sold out, and the girls are holding our tickets hostage." Jonesy: "Things could not suck any harder!" Wyatt: worried "Ho-o-okay, uh, let's not panic, people! Keep it together!" starts hyperventilating. Jonesy: "Dude. Paper bag." grabs one and begins breathing into it. Jude: "We have to get our tickets!" Jonesy: "Wait. I may have a plan. Meet me at Super Terrific Happy Sushi in five." zooms off. ---- girls walk through the mall pharmacy. Jen: "Cramp muscle relaxants for me...Tranquil Tide tea for Caitlin..." Nikki: gasping "A pound of chocolate for me." Caitlin: "And tampons for everyone." Jen: reading "Take one pill every four hours. Yeah. For normal cramps, maybe." girls round the corner, stop, and gasp. At the checkout is Carson. Jen: "Okay Caitlin, go buy." Caitlin: "But that cashier is so cute! You do it. Please?" Jen: "No way. I can't. I know him. Leon Shreds jacket incident, remember?" Nikki: full of chocolate "Well, somebody better pay soon." Jen: "Fine. We'll settle it like adults." Jen, Nikki, and Caitlin: "Rock, paper, scissors!" and Nikki throw scissors. Caitlin lays her hand flat, symbolizing paper. Caitlin: "Darn it!" Nikki: "Off you go. Oh here." tosses the candy wrapper into the basket. "Ring this in." steels herself and goes up to the register. Carson: "Hey." Caitlin: "Hi! Uh, I just need to–" some magazines and tossing them in "Buy these." Carson: "Fancy Farming?" Caitlin: "I love nature?" Carson: "Professional Auto Racer." Caitlin: "I'm–getting my license this year." Carson: "Senior Health and Wellness?" Caitlin: "Uh, I, look young for my age?" Carson: "Tampo–whoa. Uh–right." examines the bottom of the box. Caitlin: erupting "Okay, yes, they're tampons! I buy tampons! Man! Guys can be such squeamish little babies!" Carson: hiding behind the counter "I-I was just looking for the price tag." Caitlin: "Oh. Sorry." ---- Jude, and Wyatt stand next to Hiro in the center of STHS. Jonesy: "Hiro-san, this is Wyatt and Jude. Guys, this is my sensai." and Wyatt bow. Jude: "Wise elder, we need guidance." Hiro: "You are having female trouble." Wyatt: "He's good!" ---- is carrying a bo stick. The guys stand on one leg on chairs, blindfolded. Hiro: "Defend yourself by instinct alone." swings at Jonesy and makes contact. Jonesy: "Ow!" Hiro: "Block my blows, and find the truth within the strike." Jude: "This is so cool." Hiro: "Hi-ya!" slams the stick into Jude's stomach. Jude: winded "Not as cool, bro." Hiro: "Today, you battle the dragon." Jude: "And her name is Caitlin." Hiro: "Ya!" hits Jude on the back of his head. Jude: "Ow!" Hiro: "Your prey is proud and fierce. To defeat the enemy, you must know her better than she know herself." slams his weapon down on Jude's foot. Jude: "Ow! Dude, I didn't say anything!" Hiro: "Look within to find the power source of your foe. Hi-ya!" strikes at Jonesy, but Jonesy grabs the stick. He rips it out of Hiro's hands. Jonesy's Memory: "Look within! Look within! Look within! Look within!" looks within and sees the tickets. He sees them in Nikki's backpack. Jonesy: back to reality "That's it! Within their bags! That's where the tickets are! C'mon, guys!" Jude, and Wyatt run off to find the girls. Jude: "All right!" Wyatt: "Yeah!" Hiro: "No, that's no it! Get back here! Jonesy! You're fired!" ---- guys have gathered at Stick It. Jonesy: "Gentlemen, our enemy is smart, strong, and quite possibly insane. If we want those tickets, we must be stealthy, and we must be focused. Flinch once, and you're DEAD!" leaps at his friends. They shake and cower. Jonesy: they get up "Okay. Starting now. Flinch, and you're DEAD!" and Jude don't move this time. Jude: "Dude." lo-fives Wyatt. Jonesy: "Time for Operation Ticket Thunder." ---- girls walk through the mall, looking much more relaxed. Nikki: "I finally know what you mean by shopping therapy!" Caitlin: "That mellow tea is so groovy. How are the cramps, Jen?" Jen: "So gone. I'm hobally–tobally–fully going to sleep well tonight. How much further?" yawns. Caitlin: "Not long. You can do it." Jen: yawning "This is the longest hallway in the entire world." and Caitlin stop. Caitlin: "Ooh–" Nikki: "Look at those cute sweaters!" and Nikki joyfully run into the store to get some. Jen follows sleepily. ---- guys are about to swing into action. Jonesy: "It's time to get those tickets. Coms?" guys pull out their cell phones and set them to conference with each other. Wyatt: "Check." Jonesy: "Sweet. Which one of them has the tickets?" Jude: "Could be any one of them." Jonesy: "We'll have to check all three. Here we go, boys." ---- stealthily creeps through the store, hiding behind stacks of clothing. Jude: into his phone "I have the dragon in my sights." comes over to where he's hiding and picks up a shirt. Caitlin: "Ooh! Nice!" creeps behind several racks of shirts. Wyatt: his cell "I've got Hurricane in my sights." peeks out at Jen, asleep on her feet. "Jonesy, you on Jen?" Jonesy: "Like a dirty shirt. Warriors of the fish, bestorm your targets!" Wyatt: "Bestorm?" Jonesy: "Just get the bags." takes the bag from Jen's hand without waking her. Jude waits for Caitlin to set down her purse and then takes it when she's not looking. Wyatt has to actually take Nikki's backpack off, but he manages to do so. ---- Jude, and Wyatt meet up at a bench. They drop the bags on it. Wyatt: "Mission accomplished!" guys start to check the bags. Jonesy reaches in and pulls out a handful of tampons. Jonesy: "GAH TAMPONS! Retreat! Retreat!" collapse to the ground before climbing back up to their hands and knees. Wyatt: "So that's what this was all about." Jude: "What?" Wyatt: "I heard some girls get moody when they get their–" Caitlin: "Ahem!" guys look up. Caitlin and Nikki stare at them angrily, while Jen just looks sleepy. Caitlin: meanly "Nice purse, Jude." Jude, Jonesy, and Wyatt: "Aaaah!" make a run for it. Nikki: "Hey!" Caitlin: chase "Get 'em!" Jen: yawning "Are we walking again?" five find their way to the food court and stop at the table. Nikki: "I can't believe you stole my bag!" Jonesy: "Chill Miss Piggy, I only ate one of your chocolate bars." Nikki: "Oh, that's it!" picks up a chair to fling it at him. Caitlin: "What is with you?" Jen: up "So immature, guys." takes a seat and instantly collapses into the table. Jonesy: "Look, just give us the tickets and we'll leave you alone." Nikki: "Wait." puts the chair down. "That's all you wanted?" Jonesy: "Yeah." Caitlin: "Why didn't you just ask? I gave them to Jude this morning." eyes of Jonesy and Wyatt bulge. They then turn to Jude, staring at him angrily. Jude looks in his pocket. Jude: "Oh yeah. I forgot." grins sheepishly. "Last one there buys the chewy nuggets!" takes off. Wyatt: "He had them all along?" Jonesy: "I'm gonna kill him! Jude!" Wyatt, Nikki, and Caitlin run after Jude. Nikki: "Get back here!" Caitlin: "Hey!" realizes they left Jen behind, so she comes back to the table and drags Jen off behind her. ---- gang exit the theater, all happy with the movie they just viewed. Jude: "That was awesome!" Jen: "And they left it open for a sequel!" Jonesy: "Not that I'll be able to buy a ticket, since I'm unemployed again." Wyatt: "Too bad all your new swordfighting skills will go to waste." walks by. Jonesy: "Hmm. Not necessarily. Yo Darth." walks up to Darth. Darth: condescending "Would you like me to explain the story for you? I'll use small words so you'll be sure to understand." Jonesy: "Silence! I challenge you to a duel. Food court, ten minutes. My honor shall be avenged." Darth: "Well then. I accept." ---- and Darth stand on the table, ready to duel. Hiro, Huni, Jen, Jude, Nikki, Caitlin, and Wyatt are watching. Jonesy: up his sword "Jedi knight, your butt is mine!" Darth: out his lightsaber "You don't frighten me, sushi boy!" two clash. Jonesy is matching Darth's every move. Jonesy: "I know what you're thinking! How did this novice get so good with a sword?" Attack. "Has he been training in secret?" Attack. "Or does the force run strong in this one?" Attack. "No! It is the way of the sushi! Hai–" swings and knocks Darth's weapon out of his hands. Darth: "AAAAAHHHH!!!" taps him on his shoulder from behind. Darth looks up, and Jonesy pantses him. Darth: "No! Not again!" up his pants "I'll be back!" leaves, defeated. Jonesy: "And that, my friends, is the way of the sushi." bows to Hiro and Huni, who return the bow. Hiro: "You are still fired, Jonesy!" Jonesy: "Aww..." Category:Season 1